I recently did a poll in my IG stories about what people wanted to see more of from me. The resounding answer was “more stuff about the kids”.
In the Beginning…
That has always been a delicate topic for me. When Tori was younger, she was definitely on my social more, but my page was also private and reserved for close friends and family (not to say people couldn’t have reposted her picture or screenshot it). In my mind it was safer then.
When I made my page public over a year ago, I literally knew everyone on my friends list, personally. With my growth over the last year, there are so many new faces and so many people who just browse that aren’t followers & I’ll be honest; the idea of posting the kids all the time made/makes me nervous.
Also, J, my husband for those of you who are new to the fam; is NOT a big social media person. He loathes the idea of the girls being on social media at all, but understands and respects what I do and that on occasion, the girls will be posted.
But Why Not Post Them More?
As a blogger, I often find myself balancing what others want from me and what I am willing to give. Most of the fam (what I call my followers) love my views on current events, parenting, relationships, etc. I try to talk about it all, but posting the kids when I’m discussing parenting comes with its own potential issues.
1. My oldest daughter is currently a senior in high school and applying for colleges. You may not know this, but colleges and scholarship review boards do an extensive review of their applicants’ social media accounts which includes where they’ve commented or have been tagged. I would hate to inadvertently and absentmindedly post something that could be harmful to her entrance into college. The other side of me is, I don’t post anything that isn’t factual or that I find to be embarrassing so if a school doesn’t want her, that’s their loss but again… I chose this world; not my kids.
2. My middle daughter is definitely in her middle child/pandemic/puberty phase of life. She is absolutely going through a transition when it comes to her thoughts and more obvious, her body. She is GROWING in ways that make me and her father uncomfortable (you know the transitions to where they still look like a little girl with NO shape to body parts popping out here and there *Jesus wept*). In her dealing with these changes of herself, comes the normal insecurity that many preteens/teens face. Social media only heightens that for some. I just have to be cautious about that with her. Many times, she doesn’t want to be photographed at all and I would never force that on her. No matter how many times we tell her she is beautiful she is learning to see that in herself all over again. (Momming is hard)
3. With my youngest baby, you’ll probably see her the most because she is at an age where being uncooperative is still cute. However, a lot of our journey as I map out the ups and downs of getting my child on the developmental path that I believe she should be on (Amina has a speech delay, something my husband doesn’t believe she has …. Another blog for another day); is mostly unseen by the fam. Whenever the camera turns on to capture some of those moments, her attention is to the camera so unfortunately, a lot of that doesn’t get filmed. Again, something I struggle with because I want moms to know what this journey looks like.
Total Transparency: I am also scared to post because I have my moments of questioning if I am doing my absolute best for her. Just being honest. I think all mothers struggle with this thought at times.
It’s so easy to fall into the comparison trap. I see many influencers and bloggers whose platforms center around their family, be it children and/or spouse. My family is definitely the most important part of my life, but they didn’t choose this journey. When they want to participate, they do and when they don’t want to, I don’t force it. Honestly, the more I do it the more I see them being willing to engage but it’s still not natural for them and if I’m completely transparent it’s not natural for me either.
Unapologetically Living is about me as a whole. Me as a wife, mother, entrepreneur, but most importantly a BLACK woman. Trying to find that balance of getting people interested in me and my many layers is the struggle I’m currently in.
Let’s be honest, you can have all the dope thoughts and content in the world, but the pictures are what draws many people in and nothing draws people in more than curated pictures of little cute faces.
I am still navigating on how to be of value to you. I want to highlight my journey as a wife and mom while still respecting the privacy of those relationships. I am an open book, but my truth is sometimes not just mine alone, it’s theirs too. I know that I am definitely in a unique situation where I have an almost legal adult, a teenager and a toddler; so, my journey is going to look a lot different than someone else’s.
My plan is to show as much of my story and life as I can while still respecting the boundaries of my family. No content of the girls gets posted or broadcast on the streams without their permission. Your kids should have a say in how much you make them a part of your content; at least that’s my opinion.
I See You…
I want to thank each of you for riding with me as I navigate this social media world and growing all of my brands. I hope you feel like you are part of the journey because I want to be as transparent as possible with the struggles. When I see bloggers around me that started where I am and have soared, it’s easy to get discouraged, but I have to remind myself of my purpose. Then, I take the tools and lessons that I am learning from more seasoned vets and figuring out what works for Trese.
The way you can support me is to comment, like, share, follow & subscribe to the things that I do that resonates with you. The more you share my content, the more people are able to view it and it expands my reach. It’s then up to me to figure out a way to keep them engaged (that’s the hard part for me).
I know that I have to capitulate to some of the “standards” of the blogging and influencing world in order to see the growth of others. In due time…. maybe.
For now, the Young Queens I’m raising get to have the final say as to how much they will be featured in my content. I can’t preach that they have a voice but only if it fits my needs. Their voice matters, it always has and always will.
Love & Light,