During this wonderful quarantine of 2020 aka “The Rona Shutdown”, my older daughters and I are re-watching Grey’s Anatomy from the beginning. This show is easily one of my favorite series of all time, with the Cosby Show being #1. My kids are trying to understand me better and Grey’s was one of the first shows where I saw people like me (don’t worry I make Tori close her eyes and ears for some of the more risqué scenes). From Meredith, to Christina to Bailey; these were strong women who were opinionated and honest and were
never afraid to be the villain because their heart was pure.
The Truth of it All
This should be a love language: transparency and truth. If you really know me, you know that I cannot stand two things in life (and I was raised this way by my mom), a thief and a liar. Now this isn’t to say that I never tell a lie, sure I do. I try my hardest NOT to though. As a mom, I’ve had to lie to my children. As a daughter I’ve had to lie to my mom but not about anything major or serious most times it’s just to prevent them from being worried or concerned about whatever thing is going on in my life at the time.
There are other times when my truth is just too much for people to handle so I instead avoid those conversations. Truth is a villain to those who thrive off of fantasy and perfection.
I am a truth teller and while that doesn’t mean that I am loudly broadcasting all my business on this blog or social media daily, I am the person that isn’t going to act like my marriage is great if it’s not. Or that my kids are the most perfectly, well behaved children on the planet when we know that’s a bold face lie.
The truth is, I am figuring out life as most of you are and with that comes the responsibility to be a truth teller to those who are close to you, SEEKING, your advice. Notice I said seeking! Being a truth teller isn’t walking around aimlessly shooting truth out like it’s a love bullet. Not everyone can handle your truth but if they should ask, they should be prepared on hearing your truth.
5 Ways to Be a Loving Villain
(as displayed in my everyday life and in that of my Grey’s counterparts *yes this is one of my favorite shows*)
Truth is not to be used as a weapon – You can walk around saying I’m a truth teller if your sole purpose in telling the truth is to hurt people. Use your truth with care. Approach each situation with humility and love. The people in my life know that if they ask me a question, I’m going to give them my honest opinion; not because I want to hurt them or be mean but because I want the best for them.
Understand the risk – You have to be well aware of the people that are seeking your advice. Are they a sensitive soul? Do they handle criticism well? Will your truth be received with open arms? If the risk is greater than the benefit, simply respond with an “I’m not really comfortable answering that”. If they push the issue, speak your truth but understand they may or may not want to talk to you tomorrow. Can you live with that?
Being a truth teller does not make you “REAL” if your truth is your weapon – Often you hear people talking about “I’m real, I say what I say and I mean what I say” but that narrative is often negative and disparaging. There are a lot of “real” people that speak the truth but don’t use it as a method of attacking others. I was once that person that would find the MEANEST, TRUEST thing about a person who had wronged me and used it to attack them. That is the WRONG thing to do. Don’t be that girl.
Make sure you only tell YOUR truth – When you are giving advice or speaking on the reality of a situation as you see it, make sure you are fair and only speaking what you KNOW to be true or state that this is YOUR opinion. Also, don’t out anyone else. That’s not your place and that’s not YOUR truth.
Don’t be a hypocrite – Your truth is not any more powerful or more real than the next person’s and your shit stinks sometimes too. Don’t expect to be the truth teller and never the truth seeker. You can’t be walking around here giving advice, speaking your truth all freely and then be offended when someone brings the truth to your front door, holding a mirror up to you. Hypocrisy is a disease, don’t become infected!
During this COVID-19 AKA The Rona Shakedown AKA We Done Fucked up Now, please be sure that your truth is coming from a place of love. Let the attacks from the enemy come far away from you.
Love & Light,
Trese, Unapologetically