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When Attraction Becomes A Distraction

Today (7/5) Pastor Mike Todd of Transformation Church gave a message that held a mirror up to my face and if you watched it, I’m sure it did to yours as well. His title was Attraction 2 Satisfaction Part 1 and while this was focused on #relationshipgoals, I found it applicable in other areas of my life.

Let me break this down the way I understood it and hopefully it blesses someone the way it did me.

Not Preachy…

First things first, I am not a preacher and will more than likely curse at some point throughout this blog so understand that I am an imperfect Christian, full of faith and belief and I try to live my life right; but I curse a little bit.

Now that that shit is out the way…. This message was everything for me because I have recently been struggling with being my authentic self while being discouraged by the lack of engagement (likes, follows, comments) on social media. See, my attraction to what SEEMED to be social success was becoming a distraction to my purpose and mission.

I’m 100% That… (you know the rest)

One of the first things that my husband reminded me of when I was pretty much sulking watching all my friends soar in numbers, I have a business that is generating revenue even when we are closed (we take delivery orders and online orders). I was so distracted by the lack of social numbers that I was forgetting that I was making real money, real time, regardless of the likes. Now don’t get me wrong, I definitely know and believe that part of that success is due to social media. The point is I know my financials and I know that I am ALREADY an entrepreneur; everything else is a bonus.

Let me elaborate further. My other brand, Unapologetically Living with Trese where you are reading this blog, was created as my need to have something that spoke to women like me. It is meant to incorporate all my Unapologetic truths in life including the fact that I’m a cannabusiness owner, a wife, mother, daughter, mom chef and more. One of the things I am most passionate about is my black community so lately I have been even more vocal on my platforms on that topic. This coincided at a time when many other bloggers that I followed or knew began to blow up. I started to question if my being who I am, was “good enough” for people. I began to doubt my self and my purpose. I began to base MY value off of something that shouldn’t truly matter; my desire to be “Insta Famous”. Meanwhile, I have a whole flourishing business that will still be here tomorrow if IG or FB goes away today. Misplaced attraction.

Sorry, back to the message…

Some points that Pastor Mike made with a Trese translation:

1. Attraction is often a thief of satisfaction – Baby, when you are focused on the things you are attracted to, especially if they aren’t immediately available to you OR not something you SHOULD be attracted to; you will find yourself constantly dissatisfied. This will happen even when you have everything positive around you. You are lusting for and desiring something outside of God’s vision for your life.

Example: I was distracted by the LACK of likes and followers instead of being encourage and affirmed in the positive messages and people I was reaching, confirming my purpose. My attraction to being "Insta-Famous" needed to be short lived.

2. Attraction is often a distraction – In the example I gave above, I was so focused on the attraction of reaching 10k followers (I’m so far from that it’s not even funny) that I let it become distracting to my purpose and passion which is to educate, inspire and encourage. I aim to do that with all the brands I own, and I was starting to focus more on the social numbers than remaining true to my purpose.

3. Attraction is about impulse; Satisfaction is about input – Your attraction to something is often sought after for immediate gratification. You will impulsively change something in the hopes of attracting what you are attracted to. Your satisfaction is dependent on what you put your effort and time into. You will only be sustainably satisfied by things that bring you joy through walking in purpose.

Example: I started to post content that was still me but was driven off of how my audience would respond. Sometimes it would hit, other times it wouldn’t and I realized that I don’t want my page to be driven off of what might hit. I want my page to attract the people I am meant to inspire, encourage; those who can relate.

4. Distraction is always an option of inaction – If you aren’t steadfast in moving away from distraction, IT WILL CONSUME YOU. You will find yourself lusting after some dark skinned, bearded man, picking apart some innocent woman on IG because she has more followers than you or watering yourself down to fit the status quo. Be careful of what you give energy to because it will most certainly distract you from your true purpose.

Example: As I began to obsess over the numbers, I found myself unmotivated not only to create content for Unapologetically Living but I wasn’t even motivated to put effort into the business that makes me the most money. INSANITY!

5. Attraction is only activated by attention – Put your blinders on ladies. Don’t let your attention be diverted to the unhealthy things you are attracted to.

Example: As I began to stalk others pages and see how many likes they got off of a post, I became obsessed with stalking my own content after I posted something new. DRIVING ME CRAZY. It was so out of character for me. I had to refocus on WHY I post the things that I post and stand firm on my purpose. That freed me in such a huge way!

The Truth Of It All...

Now let’s be clear, attraction is not always wrong but what often happens is that our attraction will cause us to act out of character or DISTRACT us from what it is we truly want. If you are extremely attracted to a man and begin to fixate on him; you are more likely to give of yourself be it physically or mentally long before you are ready; distracting you from your goal of a long-lasting respectful & meaningful relationship/marriage. (I know, I know; some of you slept with your husband on the first date and are still together… you my dear are the exception)

If you’re reading this *insert Drake bars*, you are already ENOUGH! You were created in God’s perfect image even as imperfect as you are. Be confident in your abilities and even when it feels like no one is watching; trust me… they are.

Continue to walk in your purpose and hopefully it is your passion as well. You can’t go wrong when your ATTENTION is on the RIGHT things.

Love & Light,

Trese, Unapologetically


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This is such a beautiful message about getting back on track to what’s most important


Love this blog so much! I always love hearing more details about how others connect to the word and you did an amazing job applying these to real life. Thank you for sharing!

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