Breastfeeding & Sex – The great divide


Breastfeeding, the most beautiful and natural experience that many mothers will have with their little ones. While I’m not here to debate if breast is best, when making the decision to breastfeed you are sacrificing some things: alcohol, bad eating habits and possibly great sex to name a few.

Sex was definitely a struggle after my last child and without divulging too much of our personal business, it was something we worked hard (no pun intended) to overcome.


The real question…

How do you keep it sexy and steamy while the sound of your baby crying makes your breast fill up with milk, signaling feeding time?


It’s not one size fits all but here are some suggestions…

Here are 5 tips that could help:

  1. Accept reality. At the moment you are indeed your child’s source of nourishment and comfort. Whether they are scheduled feeders or going through a period of cluster feeding; when they call… your boobs will answer. No way around that. So how do you prevent them from swelling and squirting in your partners face? PUMP PUMP PUMP. I know a lot of women want to exclusively feed from the breast and that’s great but if you want any normal sex life, I encourage you to PUMP THOSE BREASTS. Both of them. Empty those suckers out so there is a limited possibility of accidental squirts while being caressed. Here is the pump that I use… I LOVE IT as its efficient as hell.

Was definitely getting ready to jump on something… if you catch my drift. PREP LADIES


2. Schedule Sex. I know that’s not ideal for some people but look at it like this: when you know something is coming you can plan accordingly. You also build up the anticipation of the event. Sext during the day, send little videos (secure the cloud) to tease your partner. This also gives you prep time because let’s face it, everything isn’t always manicured and ready for human consumption when you are a mom. A little heads up is great sometimes (no pun intended)


3. Prep. I don’t know about you but being the mom of 3, I can’t always say I am looking my absolute best at all times. However, we can’t fake like attractiveness isn’t important. Often heard, “my man should desire me at all times, I pushed out his kids” Ladies, stop telling yourself that lie. Men are visual creatures and while he will love you and may still have sex with you in your scarf…. I feel confident most men would like for you to put a little effort into your look. (Don’t shoot the messenger) So go ahead and moisturize your skin, shave or wax, do something with your hair and find something sexy to wear (and easy to take off)

4. Be submissive. You still there?!?! OH, the word women love to hate…. Submission. Look, your husband/man/partner is sharing not only your time and mind but NOW your body with the kids you have created. We can’t be selfish in our thinking when it comes to sex. Yes, we want understanding and maybe compromise and compassion but what are you willing to do to ensure that his sexual needs are being met? Men LOVE when they feel like they are running the show, even when we know they truly aren’t. So, submit! Be open to where he wants to take the day/night when it comes to sex (obviously within reason… consent is a must!) Submission is not a bad thing. BOTH people in a marriage need to submit (don’t believe me… check your Bible😊)


5. ENJOY THE MOMENT. I can’t emphasize this enough! As women, we are multi-taskers. We are always thinking and organizing preparing for the next thing. Please don’t do that during sex. Take in the moment, take in your partner. If you feel your breasts begin to fill up in certain positions, switch positions sis. Then, focus back on pleasing your partner and enjoy being pleased. Nothing is more frustrating, for either, person than when you can tell that your partner has checked out in the middle of sex. Focus, enjoy and repeat.


You Deserve Great Sex Sis…

These are just a few tips that can help you get your drive and desire back. I’m doing my signature clap and talk in these next few words. LET. ME. BE. CLEAR. – Sis, you are deserving of great sex. While I know it seems like I talked about what we can do to please or prepare for our partner I also encourage you to demand great sex.

It’s perfectly ok to own your sexuality and be completely open and honest with your partner about what you like and what you want. Yes, you should give

them what they want because that’s what partnership is but you absolutely should speak up and out about what you need to be satisfied in the bedroom as well.


A lifetime…

Breastfeeding, in my humble opinion, is so beautiful and gratifying and is such an amazing time to bond with your child. I have my own personal opinions on how long I feel you should breastfeed but every woman should make that decision for themselves. Consult your physician and see what their recommended length of time for breastfeeding is (don’t google).

Remember, our children are ours to protect but only for a period of time. They will always be our children but they will go on to lead their own lives leaving you and your husband/partner to continue to live life with just the two of you. Ensure you are doing everything you can to create a space in your home where its safe for both of you to be loved, heard, desired and more. If for some reason that partnership doesn’t last, you can walk away knowing that you gave 110% and in knowing that you will have complete peace. We aint focusing on that though… we want happy, fulfilling partnerships around here and I wish that for each and every one of you.

My perspective comes from a mature person of 38 who has lived and realizes that not only does sex change as you age but it also changes with marriage.

I truly believe sex should be identified as its own love language and not just grouped in with “Physical Touch”… but I digress.

Go forth and sex.


Love & Light,

Trese, Unapologetically


#blackmom #husband #marriage #sex #momlife #baby #wife #blackfamily #blackwomen